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Saying Goodbye.

It isn’t easy.

In fact it’s harder than hell. We might have barely had a relationship in the last year, but losing my grandfather last week was harder than hell.

The last time I saw him was Christmas Eve. I didn’t give him a hug when he left. We hadn’t hugged since Christmas 2011.

I had true reasoning behind having to put that wall up between us and my family fully supported me doing so, but it doesn’t make it easier looking back.

I still believe I made the right decision for me and for my childhood memories. Putting the wall up when I did allowed for me to not hate him.

I still wish things could have been different, but I’m glad my last words to him were “I love you..”

Even if I didn’t get to see him one last time he knew I loved him when he left.

He was a man of nine lives, inappropriate humor, stubborness, and a temper. But he truly did love his family even if he didn’t know how to show it.

I truly lost it at the funeral upon hearing a story of him asking a Sister at the Rosary at the Chapel to “pray for him to be a better person.”

Knowing that he did want to change was the thing I needed to hear the most, but man did it break me down.

Losing a loved one is never easy, but I know he is truly at peace now. He didn’t do lonely well and thus hadn’t been happy in nearly two years. Now he can be with the ones he loved so much…my Grandma Shirley and my Grandma Dottie.

I can’t imagine having lost not one wife, but two, he really was a strong man who was brave down to the last minute.

I love you Grandpa Bud. I do cherish our good times and am glad that I was able to tell you that I love you one last time.