It’s that time of year again.

And I unfortunately don’t mean fall or the holidays.

Sunday would be Adam’s 27th birthday if he was still here.

And a week from today (Friday) will mark 4 years since he left us way too soon.

It’s one of the hardest weeks for me every year. Yet, in reality I still have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving

So what am I thankful for this November?

Well I’m thankful for the time I had with Adam. The way his friendship changed me for the better. The way it still changes me for the better. The way he always managed to make me feel like I could successfully conquer whatever I was fretting about.

I’m thankful for the lessons he taught me in his life and his death.

I’m thankful for the wonderful memories I have with him. The laughs we shared. The photos I can still cherish to this day.

I’m thankful for the people who were there for me four years ago when I felt lost and confused as I dealt with his suicide.

I’m thankful for the people who have been there for me every year since during that dreadful week in which his birthday and his death date both fall.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to take on this week without some tears and rough moments. I don’t think it will ever be an easy week for me.

However I still to this day believe that despite the way he left us, he never meant to cause us pain. It just wasn’t the way Adam acted. In fact he’d do just about anything to cheer up his friends.

I’ll never know why he thought that was the answer. And I’ve learned that anger and questioning don’t take away the pain. So here’s to cherishing the good times, remembering him as the amazing friend he was, and spreading his good heart to others as he would if he were here today.

RIP ACM. You’ll always be one of my closest friends. Even in the nearly 4 years without you, you have a way of reminding me that I can reach all my dreams. I’ll always remember and never forget you and the way you lived your life. You always desired to be different, to be yourself, and to constantly bring smiles and laughter to everyone around you.