So my 30 by 30 list may seem like just any bucket list to so many people, but for me it’s far more than doing something I haven’t done yet or something that sounds cool.
A lot of the things on my list are actually things that scare me to death.
For as outgoing as I am, I’m not so good at stepping out of my comfort zone. I don’t try new foods, assuming I will hate them. I don’t go on adventures because I let fear keep me from taking that risk. I’ve grown a lot on this front in the last two years, but prior to May 2010 I was very stuck in my ways. Stuck in what I knew. And what was comforting to me.
I wasn’t ready to face my fears. I wasn’t ready to grow up. I wasn’t ready to face the world. I wasn’t ready for the risk.
Prior to July of 2010 I had never ridden on a motorcycle. I was honestly scared to do so. I never felt “safe” enough with any of my guy friends to take that risk. I always wanted to face the risk, but never had the guts to do so. Or the hand to hold to tell me it would be okay. And I had known too many people who had been in accidents and even died in motorcycle crashes.
Then I met J, he offered to take me for my first motorcycle ride multiple times. I don’t know if I felt safer with him or he just inspired me to take a risk, but I agreed to let him take me! We kept on talking about it, but for about a month the schedule just wasn’t working out.
Then it did. Even as I was getting ready to head to his house, I was freaking out. I was doing something I’d always wanted to do and it seemed there was no chickening out now. Thinking we were just going to go on a quick trip around town I convinced myself nothing could go wrong. And nothing went wrong….but since our trip turned into a much further jaunt then just around town it took me a while to get completely comfortable and realize that I was okay. That I wasn’t going to just fall off the motorcycle and that J wasn’t going to let it crash if he could help it.
I became addicted to the feeling of being on the bike and risking life by the time we came back from Flandreau.
So it’s fitting that one of the first things I’m planning to cross off my 30 by 30 list is learning to drive a motorcycle. And who better to teach me, than the friend that got me to face that fear to begin with?
That’s just one of many fears I have. And really it’s not even a fear of the actual activity, but of stepping out of my comfort zone. Taking another risk.
I’m much better at talking the talk, than walking the walk.
So here’s to learning to walk the walk!