Adam Cole Maberry


I thought I’d spend today bawling.(Friday)

I thought it’d be near impossible to function.

Maybe I got it all out yesterday.

Maybe it will come on Wedneseday.

But a part of me knows I’m kind of okay because Adam would be okay; with who I am, with who I am becoming, with who I am with, and who I might be in the future.

Today wasn’t about me, it was about Adam’s memory. And I think/hope that even if it isn’t always visible, that I’m still the open, honest girl who was a good friend of his.

While happy tears still hurt, I’m so glad I can cry them, for him, in honor of him, and in memory of him.

Adam will forever be one of my best friends.  He got me, even when I couldn’t explain myself to him.

Even when we disagreed, we supported each other.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t kill me to this day, that I couldn’t be there for him, when he needed me most.

It still does.

It always will.

But I can’t change the past.

So I live the present/future.

I live in honor of the friend Adam was to me.

In honor of what Adam believed I could be.

And in honor of what Adam wanted for me and all his friends.

And in honor of what I believe Adam could have been.

But I can’t live with regrets.

I can only live in the moment.

In honor of who he was.

In honor of how he’d want me to be.

In honor of the friend he was to me.

Adam was amazing. There isn’t another way to describe someone who could make anyone around him happy. There really isn’t.

Adam was one of the best friend I could ever have asked for, it kills me that I didn’t realize quite the role he played in my life until it was too late.

Sometimes I wonder who he’d be today…